just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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