Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
