Your mouth is God's brothel.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
