On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
