Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
