yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
