So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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