respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
