I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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