Pants 0. Shit 1.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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