i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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