so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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