and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
