Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
