Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
