I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
