you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
