take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
