Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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