His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
