are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
