i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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