Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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