When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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