kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
