happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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