his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Princesses don't give blow jobs
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
