no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
