worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize