How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
