brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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