Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize