Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
