Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
