i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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