Plan B is the new Plan A
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
