party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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