1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
