i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
