Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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