Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
