i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up under a house in Key West
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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