I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
