pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
