Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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