wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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