I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize