marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
