Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
