There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
