I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
