I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
