I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
