He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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