You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
