help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
