I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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