**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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