I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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