i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
