I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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