Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
