Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
