stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
