I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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