My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
