On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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