I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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