Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize