u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
