I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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